Full of... frustration?
2004年8月20日My boyfriend often tells me that i’m full of ’anger’， that I’m full of ’hatred’. It’s probably because I often say things like... "Gosh， I hate her"， "I hope they all die". But I don’t mean it. I know they’re quite horrible things to say， but I don’t know how to express myself otherwise.
I’m full of ’frustration’， if you must. It’s not like I hate everyone in the world， it’s not like I want to kill every single one of them， but it’s more of... more of getting so frustrated at humans， their nature， and the unfairness of the world.
Unfairness... such as...
People buying $400 clothes when you don’t really need it， you’re only buying it because you want it， and that $400 can actually be used to save lives.
People hearing about horrible diseases like AIDS， cancer， etc， and feel ’sorry’ for them... and thanking that it’s not them...
So many people dying， dying， dying... killed by war... -palestinians， jews， japanese(atomic bomb)， africans... everyone killed. Yet Americans making a huge fuss when ONE soldier dies. What about other people? What about their lives that was lost?! Isn’t it unfair? It seems like... they’ve totally forgotten how valuable other people’s lives are.
Tibetans， oppressed by Chinese. The beautiful Buddhism culture， taken over， and infected by Christianity.
Hey， just because you are christian doesn’t mean you can just go into a country and convert everyone to "praise the LORD!"， you know. I mean， ugh， learn to RESPECT and ACKNOWLEDGE other religions， dammit
Horrible parents. Child abuse. Mother killing the daughter， father killing his son， mother killing her son， father killing his daughter， daughter killing the mother， son killing the father， daughter killing the father， son killing his mother...
Where did respect， discipline， everything that made us ’humans’ GO?! Where? We sure have lost them...
Why does all this happen?! I know I’m part of it， and yet I can’t do anything about it. It’s annoying. It’s frustrating. It makes my heart crush with pain. I’m the kind of person that bottles up all the emotions inside， smiling when my heart is crying in pain. The frustration， gets bottled up， filled up right to the top， and then... I get so ’angry’. It’s not really an ’anger’. It’s not like I am feeling angry towards particularly anything， but just frustrated (x100) at the world.
Life is pain... well said.
I want to make a change. I want to help people.
There are a lot of diseases in the world， and yet people do not know about them， and that’s where discrimination happens.
For example... Bulimia. For recovering bulimics， dinner time is the most crucial part. Because they cannot control， they may go back easily to their ’bulimic phase’. There used to be a support group for these people in Dunedin， where a person would go to the house of person with bulimia， cook the dinner together， eat together， and stay after dinner for an hour or two， so that they won’t puke afterwards. This service really helps a lot. A lot. Yet there are no one in dunedin， all these people living here， that wants to be part of the group. Just one person can turn these bulimic’s life around.
I want people to acknowledge the difficulties with diseases. THere are a lot of diseases that I have in mind， and I don’t think my life is long enough to do everything that I’m wanting to do.
Remove suffering.
Remove pain
Bring happiness to everyone’s lives.
That is my goal.
I believe that working on a broader scale will help people.
People say things like， ’i want to be a nurse so I can help people’， "i want to be a doctor to save lives’. But what I believe is that is just working on an individual level. I want to work on a country， if not world-level.
It would be hard for me to find people that actually would want to dedicate their lives to change the world.
And it’s impossible. I know that. With only my hands， world cannot be changed. But I want to.
Wha... so incoherent diary today....
Sorry to those people who couldn’t follow my train of thoughts...
I’m full of ’frustration’， if you must. It’s not like I hate everyone in the world， it’s not like I want to kill every single one of them， but it’s more of... more of getting so frustrated at humans， their nature， and the unfairness of the world.
Unfairness... such as...
People buying $400 clothes when you don’t really need it， you’re only buying it because you want it， and that $400 can actually be used to save lives.
People hearing about horrible diseases like AIDS， cancer， etc， and feel ’sorry’ for them... and thanking that it’s not them...
So many people dying， dying， dying... killed by war... -palestinians， jews， japanese(atomic bomb)， africans... everyone killed. Yet Americans making a huge fuss when ONE soldier dies. What about other people? What about their lives that was lost?! Isn’t it unfair? It seems like... they’ve totally forgotten how valuable other people’s lives are.
Tibetans， oppressed by Chinese. The beautiful Buddhism culture， taken over， and infected by Christianity.
Hey， just because you are christian doesn’t mean you can just go into a country and convert everyone to "praise the LORD!"， you know. I mean， ugh， learn to RESPECT and ACKNOWLEDGE other religions， dammit
Horrible parents. Child abuse. Mother killing the daughter， father killing his son， mother killing her son， father killing his daughter， daughter killing the mother， son killing the father， daughter killing the father， son killing his mother...
Where did respect， discipline， everything that made us ’humans’ GO?! Where? We sure have lost them...
Why does all this happen?! I know I’m part of it， and yet I can’t do anything about it. It’s annoying. It’s frustrating. It makes my heart crush with pain. I’m the kind of person that bottles up all the emotions inside， smiling when my heart is crying in pain. The frustration， gets bottled up， filled up right to the top， and then... I get so ’angry’. It’s not really an ’anger’. It’s not like I am feeling angry towards particularly anything， but just frustrated (x100) at the world.
Life is pain... well said.
I want to make a change. I want to help people.
There are a lot of diseases in the world， and yet people do not know about them， and that’s where discrimination happens.
For example... Bulimia. For recovering bulimics， dinner time is the most crucial part. Because they cannot control， they may go back easily to their ’bulimic phase’. There used to be a support group for these people in Dunedin， where a person would go to the house of person with bulimia， cook the dinner together， eat together， and stay after dinner for an hour or two， so that they won’t puke afterwards. This service really helps a lot. A lot. Yet there are no one in dunedin， all these people living here， that wants to be part of the group. Just one person can turn these bulimic’s life around.
I want people to acknowledge the difficulties with diseases. THere are a lot of diseases that I have in mind， and I don’t think my life is long enough to do everything that I’m wanting to do.
Remove suffering.
Remove pain
Bring happiness to everyone’s lives.
That is my goal.
I believe that working on a broader scale will help people.
People say things like， ’i want to be a nurse so I can help people’， "i want to be a doctor to save lives’. But what I believe is that is just working on an individual level. I want to work on a country， if not world-level.
It would be hard for me to find people that actually would want to dedicate their lives to change the world.
And it’s impossible. I know that. With only my hands， world cannot be changed. But I want to.
Wha... so incoherent diary today....
Sorry to those people who couldn’t follow my train of thoughts...
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